How to transform failing relationships – 23 tips to help you through tough times

As Power Women, we control our career, diet, exercise and lifestyle. As women, our nature is to nurture. But when it comes to relationships, many of us seem to fall down. Divorce rates are staggering. So what are some of the situations we can find ourselves in?

Some of us seem to be beacons for troubled people with major issues like addiction. We go in to rescue them, and find ourselves bereft at the end of it. Some of us attract partners who cannot commit and wonder why. Some of us are in marriages resembling hell. There is arguing, misunderstanding, sometimes even violence. This wears out our self esteem to such a degree that we begin to blame ourselves! Worse, these situations can render us powerless to leave. After all, perhaps we have children to consider.

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23 tips for transforming failing relationships:

1. If you have a willing partner, relationship counselling can be great for establishing boundaries and tasks to work on for the relationship.

2. If you are working alone, the work you do can shift the perception of your relationship, and provide an example your partner may choose to follow.

3. Take an internal inventory of your own habits and behaviour. Develop self awareness. This will allow you to see and take responsibility for your part in every situation.

4. Realise that continuing the same behaviour will give you the same results. Be open to change.

5. Stay on your side of the fence. This means bringing the focus to the self and making it a rule not to name, blame, shame or state your partner’s reality. An example of stating someone’s reality is to tell someone how he or she is feeling, or what they are doing.

6. Own your feelings. Our feelings belong to us and though we may be triggered by events, we cannot blame others for them.

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7. Refrain from criticism. If something hurts your feelings, you can communicate how you feel in a constructive way, without lashing out. Use “feeling” words like sad, scared, frustrated, angry, ashamed, lonely etc. If you express how you feel and leave it at that, when asked why, you may respond by saying “When you do this, I feel that”. It is not asking anything, it is letting them know and leaving the choice up to them.


8. Do not expect or ask someone to change. Love is accepting someone for who they are and who they are not. It is only at the point of something we absolutely cannot accept that a relationship ends.

9. Find your joy! Stop focusing on what you hate and begin to focus on what you love. We are our attention. The happier you are within yourself, the less you are affected by others.

10. The beauty of self-awareness is that we begin to identify what is ours and what isn’t. This way, we can build self-referral, aiding us in becoming immune to outside poison.

11. Find gratitude and express it for the great things your partner does.

12. Begin to focus on your partner’s good points.

13. Recognise that we are all connected and our ultimate wish is the same. We all want to be loved.

14. Realise that we are mirrors to each other. What we give, we give to ourselves, what we withhold we also withhold from ourselves.

15. Find the love in your heart.

It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else

16. Always ask yourself, “Is this choice loving to me and to others?”

17. Release the Judge! When we stop classifying things as good or bad, right or wrong, we experience peace.

18. Show kindness to your partner, no matter what.

19. Surprise your partner with treats, big or small, in or out of the bedroom.

20. Compliment your partner. A compliment is a gift.

21. Go into service for the other. This will give you happiness and invite service to you.

22. Practice regular meditation, visualising your relationship as you desire it to be.

23. Always do your best, after all that’s all we can do!

Before you go, here are some helpful quotes by Dr. Phil:

  • Awareness without action is worthless
  • You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you
  • Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration
  • It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else
  • You cannot be who and what you are unless you have a lifestyle, both internally and externally, that is designed to support that definition of self

It is said that leaders can only lead by example. With any luck, your partner will be committed to a loving relationship and will choose to work with you. If not, practicing these tips will most likely inspire him to reciprocate accordingly. It’s your choice to stay or leave the relationship. That will require some courage, which of course you will have cultivated working on your self-awareness.

Featured image via Pixabay under Creative Commons CC0


Tula Tzoras img Leaders in HeelsTula Tzoras

Tula, a.k.a The Inspiration Genie, is an experienced actor, author, speaker and host, with a successful acting career behind her, starring in several of Australia’s top rating shows as actor and presenter. For more information, courses and coaching, please visit