In a competitive marketplace, customer service is a huge consideration for business owners and patrons. The creation of high-value products and services is often at the top of the priority list for entrepreneurs.
Many people believe that giving is a way to make people happy and essential to a thriving business.
Giving endlessly in your business is actually a recipe for a crash and burn – not only for you, but for your finances and clients as well. It erodes the long-term sustainability of your business, your body, your relationships, and everything that you are up to in the world.
Here are some things to consider – and change – so that you are still a valuable resource for your clients, but not depleting yourself and your business in the process:
Our desire to help people goes awry when it turns into a level of giving that disempowers them. When people actually choose and reach for something they give it more value in their mind. For most of us, the more value we assign to something, the more we are willing to actually receive from it and we end up valuing it even more.
This approach to your clients leaves them knowing that they can always ask for more, choose more, and succeed in reaching for it. If you are available to them without giving endless handouts – they know where to find what they are looking for when they are looking for it. From this approach, you become a resource rather than the source.
Action step: When you think you have to give more – stop!
Pause. Ask yourself, “Is this going to empower my client (and me too)? Or is this going to disempower them?”. Empowerment goes both ways. If your client is empowered, you will be too.
While few people recognize this, it’s the energy, or the vibe, behind everything that we do that actually determines what occurs in our business. If you have the vibe that you need people to choose you in order for your business to be successful, they will pick that up.
For example, have you ever encountered a salesperson that was desperate for a sale? Did you want to buy what they were selling? Probably not. That energy pushes people away. It does not actually work! And yet, people approach sales in this way all the time.
In business, most people put themselves in the position of being the chosen one. What that means is that you have decided that people need to choose you in order for your business to survive and thrive. The business then becomes a game of trying to get people to choose you, which isn’t fun – or productive – for anybody.
Take a different perspective and a different vibe. What if you don’t ever need anybody in particular to choose you or your business, and you know that – and embody that in the energy you bring to the world?
How do you do that? First of all, become aware of when you are functioning from the energy of need or lack. Take a breath, get present with yourself, and remind yourself that you are actually pushing people away with that point of view. Then ask yourself, “If I was being the choosing one, rather than the chosen one, what would I actually do?”
This will give you more awareness over time of the vibe you are putting out into the world – and give you more choice as to what’s going to create the most for you.
When you value you and what it is that you have to give, others do too. When you empower your clients, everybody is greater because of it, including you. Perhaps it’s time to do something very different, put your health and wealth front and center in your own life, and be the choosing one? The world will actually be a greater place if you do!
About the author
Heather Nichols, MSW, is a Joy of Business facilitator, movement & meditation consultant, tantra practitioner and somatic psychotherapist. She combines her expertise in mind-body therapy with 20 years’ experience in the world of business and entrepreneurship to facilitate people toward a fuller, more joyful, experience of business, life and family. An Access Consciousness® facilitator, healer, and mom, Heather has been running a weekly radio show for more than 6 years. She also facilitates workshops and private consultations online and around the world. She refuses to take ‘no’ for an answer from life and brings to her work a fierce commitment to create joy, ease, and wealth on the planet – in every aspect.
I have two options, both fantastic: I can attend a business conference dedicated to empowering women in advertising… or my daughter’s school presentation. It’s an age-old case of conflicting work and family events.
At first glance, it was a no-brainer. I would go to my daughter’s performance. But then I started researching the conference. It was dedicated to women in leadership and covered topics I’m incredibly passionate about. I could listen to others who have been in my shoes, discuss how to rise through the ranks, and learn more about supporting diversity both in advertising and the world around me. It looked awesome.
Suddenly, the choice felt impossible. I could spend time learning from other empowered women in my industry and advancing my career, or I could choose to celebrate my daughter and support her on her own journey to becoming a strong woman. Both were important celebrations of women, but ultimately, I still had to decide between doing something for my career or being there for my family. While it was important for me to celebrate women in my industry, I had the feeling that in my daughter’s eyes, if one person needed to be at her performance, it was me.
I’m not alone in this struggle. Working parents have been trying to balance professional and personal demands for decades. Do you choose to stay late and miss family dinner? Do you get to the office early and miss doing morning drop-off? Or do you stretch your timeline at work?
Instead of letting these decisions eat away at us, we should allow them to empower us. After all, just having, and owning, the ability to make these decisions is empowering in itself. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind when you have to weigh your personal versus professional priorities:
You usually know the right answer. What feels right is usually just that. But if your gut isn’t talking, take a beat. Find a quiet space and think. What will make you happiest and most fulfilled? Go with that one. And if that means family comes first, so be it. Or if you choose to stay for a presentation with your team, so be that, too. As long as your co-workers feel supported and encouraged and your family members know that they are number one, it will all pan out.
While you can’t be in two places at once, your support can. In fact, your resourcefulness is probably one of the reasons you are where you are today. Use technology to help you be present when you can’t be. Or tap into the best resource of all: your support group. Work or family, there are people with whom you share a mutual trust and respect. Who better to ask for help?
It’s all too easy to tell yourself that having to choose between work and family in the first place means you’re failing. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to shine in both places — just in different ways. And sometimes, at different times.
Make your decision and stick with it. Feeling guilty will only prevent you from benefiting from the decision you laboured so hard over. Don’t spoil it. You make the choice to be somewhere, and you make the choice to enjoy it.
If you choose work, you’re not saying work is more important than family. If you choose your family, it doesn’t mean your career suddenly doesn’t matter. Those are extreme labels people might like to impose on you, but it’s more complicated than that. You’ll have the opportunity to make another choice in another situation, and if you find some semblance of balance in your choices, you’ll find balance overall.
Wherever you choose to be, be there 100%. Dedicate work hours to work and family hours to family. For example, let’s say you chose to go to your kid’s basketball game and leave work two hours early. So what? Deadlines are met, and the team knows you’ll be there to support them the very next day. And if you have to be absent at home one night, your family will rest easy knowing that the time you spend at home is dedicated to them.
Ah, that impossible task of finding me time. The reality is, if you don’t invest in self-care, these decisions will be way harder than they need to be. Rather than approaching them with a calm, clear mind, your fears may take the lead, making it difficult to stay on task or be totally present with your family.
Just remember, your decision doesn’t mean one aspect of life is more important than the other. Make sure your family knows they always come out on top. They may lose a few battles, but they win the war. Meanwhile, you may find that these decisions make you a stronger leader at work by building empathy and time-management skills. If you can successfully balance family and work life, at least most of the time, you’re probably a much better leader, personally and professionally, than you’re giving yourself credit for.
So back to the original dilemma: You’ve got two options, both centred on empowering and supporting the women in your world. Which one do you choose?
About the author
Lexi Harper, associate creative director at RAPP, embraces her passion for fusing ultimate precision, relevant tonality and an intimately understood target to craft break-through creative and lasting, memorable experiences.
