Do you find it difficult to be Confident and Assertive?

Do you suffer from a lack of confidence or self-esteem? If so, you are not alone!

It doesn’t matter whether you are a Company Director or stay at home mum; a lack of confidence can rear its ugly head in any area of your life and can really restrict you from moving forward and doing what you really would love to do. Take a few minutes to think about your own lack of confidence or self-esteem. How has this held you back over the years? Has it stopped you asking for that pay rise, putting yourself forward for that great job or has it resulted in someone taking advantage of you or treating you like a doormat?Has your lack of confidence stopped you asking for that pay rise, putting yourself forward for that great job or has it resulted in someone taking advantage of you or treating you like a doormat?

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With a bit of work and willingness, it is something that can be easily resolved and the difference it can make in someone’s life is priceless! Interestingly, one of key obstacles people encounter when practising to be more confident or assertive is that they realise they really have a bigger fear that is holding them back – the fear of what could happen if they do start to change.

More than often it is the fear of what ‘may happen’ that can actually stop us taking action. These fears keep us small and comfortable and often relate to how other people will react towards us if we do begin to become a more confident and assertive person.

Some common fears which may hold us back include:

  • Worrying what people will think if you do speak up for yourself
  • Concern that you will end up upsetting someone or letting them down
  • Thoughts about other people not liking you any more
  • Strong beliefs about always needing to be seen as a nice person!

Although staying small may feel more comfortable or the easy option, it often ends up in resentment, frustration and blaming other people for situations we find ourselves in. Do you end up saying yes to attend functions even though you don’t really want to? Do you feel obliged to do things because you want to be seen as a nice girl or you don’t want to let anyone else down? Do you end up saying Yes when you really mean No? It may seem the easier option but at what cost to yourself? The chances are you will end up feeling resentful or blame other people (and yourself!) for asking you in the first place!

In my next post, I am going to start with sharing some of my top tips for increasing your confidence and also changing the habit of always trying to be a people pleaser. If you think you haven’t got the time, or maybe you believe you are too busy, then think again. Many of these will only take a few minutes of your time or can be done when you are in the shower or perhaps brushing your teeth each morning.

Remember, surely you are worth a few minutes of your own time?

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Lisa Philips

Lisa Phillips is a Life and Confidence Coach based in Sydney, Australia with over 12 years’ experience. Lisa features regularly in the media and has her own life coaching radio show. Lisa is currently involved in a campaign this year to raise the confidence of 5% of Australian women. To find out more, please visit