children

I juggle lots of balls. Between working for Government, owning my own business, being a new Mum, building a new home, and managing the ups and downs of family and personal life, I am always busy. Even though I might complain about it sometimes, I know I love it. I’m not the kind of person who can sit around on the couch for hours and do nothing. That’s just not me. I’d prefer to be blogging or talking to a client.

Having said this, I’m also a huge advocate for the importance of self-care and ‘me time’. I truly believe that in order to be in the optimal position to be of service to others, I must take care of myself. But how do you do this when you are so busy? How do you do this when you’re a proud workaholic?

Here are six ways that I have found that you can ensure you take time out for yourself when you are a proud workaholic who still values ‘me time’ and self-care:

1. Meditate whilst in transit or on you’re toilet break

Yes, you read that right. You can meditate when you’re on the toilet. Or when you’re on the bus or train. Or perhaps while you’re waiting for your coffee to be made.

Take those few moments of quiet to just ‘be’. It can be as simple as focusing on your breath. Taking a deep breath in through your nose, pausing for a few seconds, and then a allowing a slow breath out through your mouth. Repeating this a few times until you feel your body and mind relaxing.

2. Introduce quick bursts of exercise

If there are times where you simply can’t fit in a workout, try introducing a few five minute breaks throughout the day to do some quick bursts of exercise. My favourite ways of doing this are:

Setting a reminder on my computer to get up every couple of hours to do a set of alternating exercises (e.g., squats, alternating lunges, tricep dips, calf raises etc.). When I’m in the office, I love getting my colleagues involved with this. Yes, they think you’re crazy to begin with, but after a while they actually start to look forward to it!

Taking the stairs instead of the lift and walking up them as fast as possible. You’d be amazed at how many calories this burns once you’ve done it a few times throughout the day!

Making and using exercise playing cards periodically throughout the day for short bursts. This is as simple as writing different exercises on a piece of paper and cutting them up into cards that can be shuffled and drawn when you have a spare moment to move your body.

Not only are these short breaks good for your body, but they also help clear your mind and boost your productivity.

3. Put a reminder in your phone with an affirmation encouraging you to prioritise sleep

If you’re anything like me, the night suddenly disappears when you start to do some work after dinner. Before you know it, you start to feel tired during the day – and this isn’t good for anyone.

I now have a reminder on my phone that goes off at a set time saying: “Self care, including sleep, is just as important as every other item on my To Do list”.

When this alarm goes off, I know it’s time to pack up the books and start to wind-down and prepare for bed.

… In order to be in the optimal position to be of service to others, I must take care of myself

4. Ask for help

For many of us, this can be tough. We like to be the one that people come to for help, not the other way around. Besides, sometimes it’s just easier to do things yourself, right?

Wrong.

Letting go, accepting help, and entrusting others is a superpower that every self-loving and self-caring workaholic must have in her back pocket. It is something that doesn’t come naturally to many of us, including me, and that we must consciously work on and practice each day.

I promise you that you will notice a huge difference in your health and happiness when you start to master this one.

5. Schedule time out

If it’s not in your schedule, it won’t happen. It’s as simple as that.

When you’re a workaholic, your diary is your bible. You are lost without it. Literally.

If you don’t make time for ‘me time’ and self care, it simply wont happen. You must get into the habit of pencilling it into your diary.

6. Plan the bejesus out of things

When you juggle lots of balls, it can be extremely difficult to find time for ‘me time’ and self-care. You are just too busy. I get this. I’m the same.

I’ve found that being super-planned and organised is what helps me identify pockets of time to stop and do things for myself occasionally.

I pencil planning time in to my diary. I have templates to help me plan efficiently and quickly. I have a weekly meals and exercise plan. I even have a monthly housework planner, that breaks down the chores that need to be done, who needs to do them, and when.

Being organised and planning ahead, helps take the thinking out of things. You can pop them into your schedule and just do them – freeing up time for that walk with the family, that lazy evening in bed reading a book, or that coffee date with a friend.

Featured image courtesy of Naomi Arnold.

Naomi Arnold
Naomi is an award winning Business + Life Passion Coach, writer, speaker and human rights activist. She works with big hearted, creative and mission driven people who want to make a difference in the world. Through her coaching, writing, and award nominated Freebies Library at www.naomiarnold.com, she helps people embrace their uniqueness and live their version of a passion-fueled and purposeful life.

The catchphrase “Do you know where your children are?” was a popular public service announcement on American television, but despite your children being under your roof – do you know where they are in the digital world?

Sydney, 28 July 2014: Leaders in Heels were invited to a media event to discuss the findings of the 2014 Australian Teens, Tweens and Technology research by McAfee, part of Intel Security. The research looked into the online behavior of teens and tweens – from how they use apps to their opinions on cyberbullying and current online trends.

“Teens and tweens are comfortable operating in the online world, yet the risks have never been greater and they need to understand the consequences of their online behavior”–Melanie Duca, APAC Consumer Marketing Director, McAfee.

The Research

1013 teens and tweens of an equal gender split and representative of all Australian demographics were surveyed. McAfee’s research found that 81% of Australia’s youth have witnessed cyberbullying-a huge jump of 56% from 2013. This research, in its second year, aims to educate tweens and teens on the impact that risky behavior has on their privacy, reputation and social media experience.

The research found that YouTube is the number one social site across all age groups, with Facebook the most likely to be visited daily. However, new social media sites such as Keek, a video-based social networking site, Yik, an anonymous messaging site, and Snapchat, a photo-messaging platform where users can take photos, record videos, add text and drawings, and send them to a controlled list of recipients. These sent photographs and videos are known as “Snaps”. Users set a time limit for how long recipients can view their Snaps (as of April 2014, the range is from 1 to 10 seconds. There’s also Kik, a smartphone messenger with a built-in browser, and Keek, a social networking service that allows its users to upload video status updates, which are called “keeks”, have gained quick acceptance across all age groups.

Facebook has seen a spike in underage users, with 31% of 8-9 years old, compared with 26% in 2013 and 60% of 10-12 year olds admitting to having a Facebook profile, despite the minimum age being 13 years.

The survey also revealed that 40% of teens and tweens are experiencing cyberbullying.

Life Education Australia identified a huge demand for cybersafety and partnered with McAfee to educate primary aged children in cybersafety and cyber ethics. Coincidentally, my child was participating in the Life Education bCyberwise programme at school today – and she found it reinforced the advice we have given our children at home (phew). Their programme is aligned with the Australian curriculum and offers a safe learning environment, empowering children to make safe choices.

“Our bCyberwise and It’s Your Call programmes, developed in conjunction with McAfee, teach teens and tweens about being safe cyber citizens and how to respect others online, with the focus on prevention, as well as teaching valuable skills that promote social and emotional development, positive relationships, self-respect and safe-decision-making online.”–Robyn Richardson, Life Education National Programme Development Manager

Generation Like

What the research also found is that drive for attention and acceptance, as well as the growing comfort level of young people with digital media, is leading to them letting their guard down and engaging in risky behaviours. Nearly half (48%) have chatted online with a stranger and one in five have met someone in person that they first met online.

Parenting expert Dr Justin Coulsen explained that the pre-frontal cortex, where our higher-level thinking occurs, does not fully develop until the early 20s for females and mid 20s for males. This explains the impulsivity and “thoughtlessness” of our youth, who thrive on the social media currency of likes, shares and retweets to prove their popularity amongst peers.

“We know that teens and tweens are willing to sacrifice privacy and cybersafety for the gratification they feel when their social network responds positively”–Dr Justin Coulsen

Parental guidance

Parents need to guide experiences. Dr Coulson made the wonderful analogy that we wouldn’t give our children car keys and say off you go – drive. We ensure they learn to drive a vehicle properly, and once they attain their provisional license, there are still restrictions on driving behaviours. Eight in ten teens and tweens said they respect guidance from parents on personal decisions regarding social media and that their parents trust them to make the right decisions.

However, parents aren’t fully across their children’s online activity, with 70% saying their parents know only some of what they do online, as they proactively hide what they do online from their parents. Half said their parents can’t keep up with the technology. So parents, you need to up your tech cred. The key is monitoring, which means having a conversation with your children. Installing spyware is subversive.

“Parents should establish an ongoing, non-confrontational dialogue with their children about this topic and continue to monitor their activities ,as well as stay up-to-date with advancements in technology and social networking .”–Alex Merton-McCann, McAfee Cybermum

Other survey highlights

Younger children fear being bullied online (27%), whereas teens are more fearful of losing their information (21%), being hacked (31%) and losing their privacy (23%).

Top Tips for Parents

Connect with your kids. Talk to them about online risks and make sure the communication lines are always open.
Learn the technology. Take the time to research the various devices and apps your children use. You want to know more than they do.
Get Social. Stay knowledgeable about the latest social networks so you understand how it works.
Reputation Management. Make sure your children are aware that anything they post online is permanent.
Stay calm. If your children come to you with an online problem, do not over-react. Deal with it calmly and don’t threaten to take devices away, or they won’t feel confident seeking your help again.
Be a model digital citizen yourself. If your children see you behaving inappropriately online, they’ll take that as a cue for their behavior.

Yolanda Floro

Yolanda is Leaders in Heels’ Social Media Editor.

You can read more about McAfee here.

You can read more about Life Education Australia and McAfee’s bCyberwise programme here.

When you have young children, going to your office job can sometimes make for a really nice change of scenery. Being among co-workers instead of children can feel like an entirely different world. For example;

There’s no requirement to tidy up after everyone else, clean up their spills or wipe their bottoms.
There’s no piercing ‘muuuuummm’ requests stabbing at your eardrums every four minutes.
You can go to the toilet and no-one will follow you into the cubicle and try to climb all over you.
There are adults there, with adult things to say, and nice sophisticated conversations that do not involve the words bum, fart or undies.

It can be really quite lovely.

When you have young children, going to your office job can sometimes make for a really nice change of scenery

But while you may circulate in this whole other world, and even relish in it, you are not entirely inconspicuous. There are clues to the parenting world in which you also exist. You may try to cover up as much as you can in the name of professionalism, but there are some tell-tale signs.

Here’s 10 that might sound familiar:

You look in the bathroom mirror a few hours after you arrive only to find that your top is on inside out.
You have baby wipes in your handbag.
You gasp at your phone when caller ID shows it’s the daycare centre calling, imagining the worst-case scenario.
You only wear jewellery which cannot be broken with a swift yank of a small hand.
You randomly laugh out loud when recalling something cute your child said that morning.
You work super-productively because staying back late is not an option.
You have narrowed the possibilities of the stain on your black pants to be either snot, toothpaste or vomit – none of which would be yours.
You spend your entire lunch-break running errands.
You have a strange nostalgic smile on your face when your co-workers complain of hangovers from bars and clubs they went to last night.
You probably consume more coffee than anyone else in the office.

However, there are some things your co-workers may not know, and might not want to either.

Like how when you sat down at your desk to begin the day at 9am, you had already been up since 5am. You bathed, dressed & fed multiple people, did two loads of washing, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, walked the dog and managed the school drop-off without forgetting the show & tell. Give yourself a pat on the back for this, but perhaps don’t expect your colleagues to – they will find this information excruciatingly boring.

Another thing they might not want to hear about is how the pictures on your desk represent the little people who give your life a depth and meaning you have never experienced before. They are the reason you are doing all this. They are your little rays of sunshine and you wouldn’t have it any other way … and you simply can’t wait to get home for cuddles, giggles and to pretend to be the pirate queen of the dining table ship.

But you don’t need to tell your colleagues that, keep some stuff to yourself. They know enough already.

What do you share with your co-workers about your life as a parent? Share your comments below.

Sally Miles – Sally is the Women’s Editor at Leaders in Heels. She is a wife and mother to two children and spends her working hours as a publisher at a global education company.

Featured photo credit: Lotus Carroll via photopin cc

No doubt some of you have children who can’t remember life without smartphones and tablets. But the question is, how do we, as parents, manage this shift in their lives to the online world? What should we be aware of, and how can we keep our children safe? Leaders in Heels had a chat with Dr. Justin Coulson, a parenting expert who is also well clued-in to this new and evolving digital landscape.

These days, it’s common to see young toddlers playing with tablets and smartphones. What kind of limits and boundaries do you think parents should be placing on their children’s use of technology?

To sum up, parents might consider limiting children’s use of devices when their children show an inability to let go of their screen time, or choose not to engage in physical activities, or social activity offline.Technology is becoming increasingly integrated with our lives – both for adults and for children. In the recent Safeguarding the Future of Digital Australia in 2025 report from Intel Security, 16% of Australians indicated being uncomfortable with the increasingly dominant role of technology in our lives and around a third of parents were unsure of how they felt about the increasing pervasiveness of devices. A further one third of people were genuinely concerned about safety and security associated with the technological changes we are seeing. These issues strike at the heart of what is and is not ok for children, and they are things parents worry about a lot.

It’s challenging to give a blanket statement regarding what kind of limits and boundaries we ought to place on our kids’ tech use though. It depends a great deal on their age. Experts agree that children under 2 shouldn’t have any screen time, kids up to 5 should only have a half-hour per day, and from 5-12 it shouldn’t be more than an hour. That’s TV, computer, phone, tablet… the lot! And it’s meant to be under 2 hours for teens! But why are they using the devices? The broader context matters to some degree.

In general I like the expert’s standards, but I think we need to think carefully before we get too militant about them. Similarly, we need to be wise enough to know when to say “when” as well. If our children are using technology to do useful things or for appropriate levels of ‘down’ time, then we should take that into account. But at the same time we want to balance the cyber-world with physical activity and in-person contact.

It’s probably also worth pointing out that our children don’t draw distinctions between the online and offline worlds like we do. To them, it’s all one world!

To sum up, parents might consider limiting children’s use of devices when their children show an inability to let go of their screen time, or choose not to engage in physical activities, or social activity offline. If children are infants and toddlers I’d advise against ANY screen time. And for pre-schoolers and children in the early school years keep it to a minimum. They don’t NEED it. And they are unlikely to get left behind if they don’t know how to play Club Penguin, Candy Crush, or Fruit Ninja.

Cyberbullying has increasingly come into the spotlight lately, with many parents only discovering it’s happening to their kids long after the fact. How would you suggest parents keep an eye on their children’s online activities without being too overbearing?

It’s so critical to keep communication channels open. Kids can get defensive about these things, so it is really important that they don’t fear getting in trouble.The first and last answer to this is that we build a strong relationship with our children and communicate consistently. We want to watch out for cyberbullying at both ends – as perpetrator and as victim. When children are young I think monitoring is central to our strategy. When we spot something on our timeline or on theirs that we think is concerning, we can use that as a platform for conversation.

As parents get older there is less cocooning, and more deference. But our children should know we are ‘friends’, and expect that we’ll monitor. (Note, monitoring is different to snooping.) I also encourage parents to talk with their children about cyberbullying incidents that make headlines. Ask them questions about whether any friends have had cyberbullying issues. Have they been perpetrator or victim? How did it affect them? How did it affect others? What else could have happened? How could it be avoided? And ask them whether they have ever had such things occur to them, and to talk about what they would do if it happened to them or someone close.

It’s so critical to keep communication channels open. Kids can get defensive about these things, so it is really important that they don’t fear getting in trouble. Rather, the process is about teaching and keeping them safe.

Additionally, be familiar with the apps your child uses. Talk about why they use them and how they use them. Get them to teach you about them. And if you have concerns about them (particularly in relation to snapchat, ask.fm, kik, and others), work out how they can be safe – either by deleting the app, refusing to respond to messages from unknown addresses, or doing a ‘friend cull’.

Finally, how do you see the increasing popularity of video games (and video gaming parents!) influencing this generation of children?

Gaming is addictive – of that there is no question. But it’s also fun, and it’s how many children and adults choose to relax and spend their recreation time. As long as gaming does not interfere with a person’s capacity to function and contribute, I think this is a development that we simply need to accept and work with.

Featured Image: GSCSNJ

Dr. Justin Coulson is a parenting and childhood expert who runs the Happy Families blog with tips on parenting. He’s been featured on TV shows such as The Today Show and The Project, as well as various radio programs. He was interviewed here as a spokesperson for the Intel Safeguarding the Future of Digital Australia in 2025 report.