Last week in my first post, I talked about why you may be having difficulty being confident and assertive. In my second post, I am going to start with sharing some of my top tips for increasing your confidence and also changing the habit of always trying to be a people pleaser. They only require a few minutes of your time and could reap huge benefits for your wellbeing.
1) Write a list of things that you like about yourself and your positive qualities. These could be the fact you are helpful, creative, traits or the fact that you get things done on time. Make sure you write down at least twenty!
2) Each day affirm to yourself (at least ten times if you can) ‘ My self-esteem is growing every day’ and ‘ I am a valuable, loveable person and I deserve the very best’.
3) Quit comparing yourself to others. Remind yourself that there will always be some people who have more than you, and some people who have less. Comparing yourself to others will NOT make you feel good about yourself.
4) The next time you feel yourself saying Yes, when you really want to say No – ask yourself who you are trying to please? Then, decide to please yourself instead. Don’t fear feeling uncomfortable, this is a sign that you are learning to look after your own needs!
5) Try not to worry what people will think if you do say No or act assertive around them. The right people will respect you and your boundaries. If someone continues to twist your arm, just use the broken record technique.
6) Remind yourself that you are HUMAN. Quit beating yourself up for not being perfect. Vow each day to praise yourself, not criticize yourself. This takes practise but even if you stop yourself from criticising yourself just once then you are making great progress.
7) If you are surrounded by negative people or energy drainers, this will make you feel bad about yourself and will lower your self-esteem. However, if you surround yourself with positive and supportive people you will feel better about yourself and this will raise your self-esteem.
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8) Each night before you go to bed, think about (or write down if you wish) five successful things you have done that day. This could be as simple as getting to work on time, helping a friend or cooking a healthy dinner.
9) Set yourself a target of saying No at least twice a week. It will be scary at first but after a few times, you will feel empowered and fabulous.
10) Be true to yourself. Make sure you are living your own life and not the life someone else wishes you live. If you feel nervous about standing up for yourself etc, make this one of your mini goals. You won’t develop self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and don’t push yourself to take risks and new challenges.
Remember, we are all capable of being confident and having high self-esteem. In doing the steps above, you will also start to take more risks and be less concerned with making a fool of yourself or failing. One of the additional benefits is also being less concerned about what others think of you or seeking approval from others. Most importantly is the fact that you will feel far more comfortable in your own skin and feel at peace with the wonderful person you really are.
Lisa Phillips is a Life and Confidence Coach based in Sydney, Australia. Lisa features regularly in the media and has her own life coaching radio show. To find out more, please see www.amazingcoaching.com.au.